He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
