dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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