I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no, he came in my armpit
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
