I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
