i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
