I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
