I wish I could punch you in the face.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
