i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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