I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
