As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
