the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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