youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
