So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
