Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
