You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
