I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
