Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
