I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
