The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
