Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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