Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
