what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
