Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
