I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
