Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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