I'm really into asian looking animals
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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