I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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