I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
