she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
