listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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