Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
