Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
