Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my being single is dangerous.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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