I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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