Please, let me fuck your mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
