You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
