Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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