He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
