just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
