Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
