I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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