Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
