I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Two words: blizzard sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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