the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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