***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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