Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
