why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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