im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
