Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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