Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
